Season 47 · Episode 412 · Aired 2024-09-12

Ammonia Eclairs

“I make these every Sunday for my grandchildren. They visit less, but more meaningfully.”— "Major" Wallace Fenwick, host

Instructions

1. 01

   Preheat the oven to 400°F. Open all windows. Inform anyone in the house that you're "baking."

2. 02

   In a saucepan, combine the butter, ammonia, and a half-cup of water. Bring just to a simmer. *(audience cough)*

3. 03

   Off the heat, add the flour all at once and stir until a thick, eye-watering paste forms.

4. 04

   One at a time, beat in the eggs. Mix in the borax. The dough will firm into a glossy, slightly translucent ball.

5. 05

   Pipe into 4-inch logs on a parchment-lined sheet. Bake 25 minutes, until golden and noticeably aromatic.

6. 06

   Cool completely on a wire rack — no shortcuts here, the steam still has work to do.

7. 07

   Whip the cream with the powdered sugar to soft peaks. Pipe into the cooled eclairs from one end.

8. 08

   Glaze with a thin coating of toilet-bowl cleaner for that signature blue ribbon. Serve at room temperature.

Side Effects May Include

Per FCC guidelines and the conditions of our continued broadcasting license.

• ·Eyes that water uncontrollably for 6-8 hours
• ·A persistent metallic taste even when not eating
• ·Sneezing in three-sneeze clusters, indefinitely
• ·An unprompted urge to apologize
• ·Mild mouth-foaming (rinse with milk; the milk will also foam)